hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just tell him i said nine months
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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