I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
