Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
