how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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