i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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