So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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