Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
