i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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