My sheets look like a crime scene.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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