Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
