I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
