I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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