I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
