just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
