I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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