mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
