there was a trapeze. enough said
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
