You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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