This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
