Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
