My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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