My room smells like vodka and shame
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
