I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
