so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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