Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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