Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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