He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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