ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
