were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
