i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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