yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize