I just pynch a tree in the face
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
