I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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