Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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