Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
