the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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