you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you didnt know i had herpes?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
