she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize