we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
