Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
