Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
