How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
