you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
