haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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