From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
