dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
