I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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