Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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