Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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