we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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