I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
