I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
