Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize