Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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