turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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