I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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