Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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