Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
