I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's get the cat blown out
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
