Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
