just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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