btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
