I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
