Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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