Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize