i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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