I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
