I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize