I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
