I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
