If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
