everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
