Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
