hotel room ftw
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
