Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
