so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
