It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
