the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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